So much for plans…

James 4:13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”

This is the scripture that is being ground into me this week. I make simple plans, and they are broken…coffee with a friend after the kids go to bed…appointments….you name it, I’ve had to say, “I’m sorry, I can’t make it today!”

Today, my plans were to take the kids to preschool, then go to work…what actually happened is we had to go to Fresno for unexpected labwork. Rich’s cretanine levels are up again (1.64), so he’ll need to have IVs for hydration tomorrow morning. Thankfully, that can be done in Oakhurst!

It’s 3:15 PM, and I still haven’t gotten into work…

Yesterday, I was planning on spending the late morning and the rest of the day with the kids…that was rearranged suddenly by Rich’s strong side effects, which were overwhelming and quite scary for both of us. Thankfully, they are under control now.

I miss normal. I miss making plans and being reliable. I miss feeling like I have control of my life. I miss being able to commit myself fully to being a mom. I miss going to Fresno with my kids and going to Costco…sampling samples…buying them a treat at the food court. It’s not the same getting treats without them!

I have a vision of what I want my life to look like. I treasure the flexibility of working part time at our business, and being home the majority of the time with my kids. I love my time with them.

And yet…I’m feeling like the best thing for them right now is not being home everyday while Rich and I navigate these tough days. We can’t control the sudden circumstances of these drugs and their side effects…and my need to tend to Rich while he goes through all he’s needing to go through has to come first.

So, I’m probably going to enroll them in preschool full time for the next 6 weeks. It makes me sad. It was supposed to be my last few months with Allison at home before kindergarten starts…my last long weekdays with her. I had a vision of what this summer would bring…carefree days, lounging at the lake…playdates at the park…but my plans aren’t meant to be. Maybe there will be a carefree day, here and there…but not a whole summer of summer. And so, I’m trying to rest in God’s plan, and not mine. There is peace there…

Pray for our endurance!

Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

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5 Responses to “So much for plans…”

  1. thome family Says:

    Hi! Well, we are still praying and praying for you all…Susan, you are doing just what you should be–you are being there for the one who needs you the most right now. That is your job as the wife and mom. And I know you know this, but like anything else on earth, this bad part will not last forever. Hugs and kisses and love from Alabama.

  2. Laurie Says:

    I remember feeling the same way you are, missing the “normal” life. It sucks, thats for sure! But you are definitely doing the right thing by being at Rich’s side. Kids are pretty flexible, they’ll be ok. I’m praying for your endurance and for Rich & the kids…Life will get back to “normal”

  3. Beth and Mikie Says:

    susan,
    your post brings tears to my eyes, and helps me to remember to appreciate every SECOND with my kids, and to stop complaining about how isabella won’t stop talking my ear off!
    all i can say is that you are not alone, jesus is alongside all of you, through your exhaustion, and your longing. i’m praying for you today, as i’m sure many other are too. tomorrow is a new day. hang in there!
    -love

  4. Laurel Says:

    I’d say “keep the faith,” but clearly you already are, Susan. You’ve got every right to feel the way you do. But I’ll echo what’s said in these other comments: you ARE where you are most needed right now. I admire your grasp of all things great and small that are important and are to be cherished. I’m confident that when you and Rich are past this enormous challenge, you’ll be able to have those special moments with your kids and friends that you crave, and you’ll return to your path of life’s achievements. Patience is a virtue, but why aren’t there notable quotes about how danged HARD it can be to be patient?

  5. MOM and BRUCE Says:

    I KNOW how tired and weary you are..I can only thank God that you are taking such good care of my son…. your love and goodness will come back to you tenfold when you and Rich and our Grandbabies will soon be able to go back to your “normalcy”.I have ALWAYS said and YOU HAVE HEARD ME SAY IT.. I could not have picked a better wife for my son if a million girls were in line to choose from.God give you all strength, love and health….XXXXoooo

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